Talk to me about creativity, and I’ll tell you comparison kills creativity. Ask me about happiness, and I’ll tell you the path to true happiness is self-awareness, self-love and ridding yourself of that mean little voice in your head.
Sounds easy, right?
Sure it does. But what sounds easy rarely is easy. It’s more difficult than we think. Why? Well, we get comfortable, and we let that mean little voice in our head run away with everything but the fine china. If that little voice could talk us out of being a participant in life, it would. It would keep us huddled in a corner like a frightened little mouse.
That’s why we need to be mindful of creativity and happiness killers that can hold us back from our greatness in both life and our creative work.
6 Mental Habits That Kill Creativity and Happiness
Fear
There have been periods in my life where I have been crippled by fear. So much so that anxiety intervenes, and I’m about as useful as an apple in an orange parade. My ability to take risks dwindles, and my courage is, well, wilted.
To counter this creativity and happiness killer, I put myself out of my comfort zone and do my best to make peace with my fears. I embrace open-mindedness.
When faced with a difficult decision or full-on fear, I ask myself one simple question:
Will I regret not doing this?
99% of the time, the answer is yes. I will regret not taking a risk, embracing an opportunity, or going on an adventure.
This one simple question has led to exponential personal growth for me. I’ve conquered fears, grown in my creative work, been on solo adventures around the world, and expanded my mind beyond overconsumption.
The Comparison Trap
The comparison game is nothing new. It’s been around for ages. When I grew up, there was no social media, but the comparison was still there. There was always someone who could run faster, had nicer clothes, took regular vacations, was allowed to wear makeup and always had the latest and greatest.
These days, it’s a lot easier to get caught in the comparison trap. Simply pick up your phone and launch into a social media scroll spiral, and you’ll be feeling like a wilted violet by the time you’re done. For creatives, entrepreneurs, and high achievers, this can be devastating to your work and is a happiness stealer.
Comparison steals your creativity by allowing you to believe you are no longer unique. That you have nothing valuable to contribute.
As a writer and life coach, I fall into this trap regularly. You find that suddenly you develop a mindset of “it’s all been done; why bother?” This mindset could be further from the truth. You have not lived the same life. You have not experienced the same things. You are not the same person you were yesterday.
The key to avoiding comparing is to approach other creatives’ work as a jumping-off point ~ something to inspire you. The idea is to be inspired by others, not deflated. Remaining confident about your own abilities and not giving up will put you on the path to success and happiness.
“Never dull your shine for somebody else.”
~ Tyra Banks
Comparison steals your happiness by making you believe you’ll never achieve success.
Ever heard of the phrase, “don’t compare your middle to someone else’s ending?” I’m sure you’re aware of it. But for most of us, instead of making that realization, we jump to conclusions and believe we’ll never make anything of our lives ~ we forget that everyone has a humble beginning.
Aimee Song of the popular fashion blog Song of Style and author of Capture Your Style, understands this well ~ looking back on her journey, her very first OOTD photo was hideous. Something she “would never consider posting” online today, but she did anyway.
And that’s the thing ~ you have to just start.
You won’t be perfect right away. It takes time. Nor will you be an amazing blogger or writer if you don’t stop comparing and simply put your work out there.
If you’re still working on your personal development journey, remember that it takes time to change years of bad habits, declutter and rid yourself of excess. Embrace each small step you make and realize that each one is a small win.
When I’m feeling the comparison trap, I read one of my popular blog posts that have connected with readers, head to my writing portfolio, or remind myself of all the great things I’ve done, places I’ve seen, and adventures I’ve experienced. It’s a quick way to restore belief in yourself and a happiness boost.
Quick exercise for when you’re comparing — step away from social media and take 10 minutes to write out 5 accomplishments you’re proud of and 5 adventures you’ve been on that inspire courage and creativity. Smiling yet?
Shoulda, Woulda, Coulda Gal
Are you a shoulda, woulda, coulda gal? Do you regularly relive your past? When you lock your mind into badgering yourself about what you could have done better and thinking about your past constantly, you’ll never move forward. Life will stagnate.
Sitting around in a mire of ‘I should have done this‘ or ‘could have done that’ or ‘would have done this differently’ will get you nowhere. Well, except for blasting your self-confidence to smithereens.
The past is the past for a reason — learn from it, don’t repeat it and move on.
Stop kicking yourself for not following X rule over Y rule. It’s your stuff, and it’s your life, declutter it and live it however the heck you want to.
Live each day by embracing change. Have the courage to not wither and hide from life because of your past. When you let go of the past, you free yourself to live fully in the present.
Focusing On What You Don’t Want
When I think of this, I immediately think of affirmations and manifesting what you do want into your life. We have thousands of thoughts per day, and up to 80% of them are negative. What you tell your subconscious repeatedly is what comes to fruition. You think your reality.
When you focus on what you don’t want, you get exactly that ~ more of it. Which, in turn, makes you unhappy and sidetracks your creativity.
To retrain your brain, stop telling yourself what you don’t want and instead focus on what you do want. Affirmations beginning with ‘I am’ or ‘I want’ work wonders for focusing your mind (and the universe) on what you do want from life.
Caring What Others Think
I’ve found that as an emotional, creative type INFJ, this is a hard one to get past. I’m all about people. I care about the world and about humanity, and the negative ways we treat each other bother me. If I could have everyone love each other, I would ~ I’m still working on it.
But there is a difference between caring what others think and letting it rule your life.
Taking everything someone says to heart is destructive. Trolls, haters, nasty commenters, bad reviews, and art haters are everywhere. Letting them get to you is your choice. When you let them get to you, you’re handing them your happiness and letting them run your life.
Discouragement from others happens. Even though you may be open-minded, others may not be. On your minimalism journey, others will not understand why you’re doing it. They’ll find ways to get you to conform and stop rocking the boat.
“Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly.”
~ Albert Einstein
The best thing? Ignore them. This is your life. Your happiness. Live by your values.
When you live by your values and ignore the crap others spew, you’ll lead a much happier life.
“Care about what other people think, and you will always be their prisoner.” ~ Lao Tzu
Self-Sabotage
Yes, this is a thing. We can and do sabotage our own best efforts. We get in our own way. We all know one form of self-sabotage or another — comfort eating, procrastination, numbing out with alcohol — and may have even been plagued by one or more.
Every day we program our brains for bad behaviour. How? By saying things like, “I’m not pretty,” “Sweets are my downfall,” or “I’m a terrible writer, entrepreneur, VP of Sales”.
You’re programming your brain to believe you’re inadequate, that you have no willpower, or that you’re an imposter and can’t learn. It goes back to focusing on the wrong thing. When you focus on NOT doing something, like not being stressed or not messing up something at work, all your brain hears is I want more stress. I’m inadequate. Please give me more of that.
In this case, a simple change in the language you use can be a game-changer. Start by creating new thoughts that will lead to the creation of new healthy habits. Again, we can go back to affirmations ~ I am healthy, or I want to be healthy. I am an entrepreneur, or I want to be a multi-million dollar earning entrepreneur.
These thoughts and affirmations provide motivation for your brain to create new habits and behaviours.
So drop the self-deprecating language, love yourself more and know that you are worthy.
When we step out of our own way, our creativity can shine, and we lead happier lives. Being aware of these mental habits will allow you to be more self-aware and make changes to keep them from running your life.
I really appreciate the part about focusing on what you don’t want. I was raised a planner – be prepared, and while that’s great for survival, it causes you to always focus on what could go wrong rather than what could go right. I am constantly reminding myself about this.
Oh I hear you! I’ve always been a planner and was raised that way too. It was always “plan for a rainy day”, “plan for the future” and so on.
And you’re quite right, it focuses you on negative outcomes instead of what could go right!