Last week, I turned 43. As I always do, I took the day off from everything — for me —to be with friends, family, and have some alone time doing what I enjoy. I bought myself a beautiful bouquet of flowers; just because. I took time to wander, to leisurely read a book over a long-anticipated Starbucks Caramel Macchiato (half sweet with almond milk of course), and to enjoy a day of shutting off from the pressures I’ve faced with starting a business and keeping up with this blog.
My 40’s have ushered in significant change and discovering myself in a whole new light. Although it’s been filled with turmoil, depression, and some anxiety, I suppose it’s only fair to feel those things when you’re getting a chance to truly discover yourself. To be honest, I’ve never had this opportunity before, and I’m very happy I’ve embraced my 40’s. Here’s just a few of the highlights (lowlights?) over the past three years:
- I lost and grieved a 16 year sales career at 40 (2015).
- At 41, I took an epic 1600 mile road trip of California – just me, one suitcase, and a small Ford Focus (2016).
- I decided I’d had enough of corporate and committed to doing “my own thing” whatever that ended up looking like.
- I dove head first into minimalism and creating a slower, simpler lifestyle (fall 2016).
- Relaunched my previous blog as The Classy Simple Life (fall 2016).
- I took a part-time job as a barista serving coffee to supplement my dream of becoming a writer (fall 2016).
- At 42, I lost my last living grandparent and as a result, watched my dad crumble and wither (he’s better now); I put my all into being there for him (2017).
- Now, at 43, I’m wholeheartedly pouring myself into this blog, helping others create a simpler life they dream of and officially launching the freelance writing business I’ve been building for the past few years.
I started my 40’s with a strong feeling that my career was going to end sometime soon, that I needed to get off the corporate crazy train and inject more simplicity into life. And like most intuitive empath types, I knew the end was coming, and it did. I lost my job right before Christmas in 2015. Nice, eh?
In the past three years, I’ve learned how to be a voice-over artist, plan and execute a serious solo road trip, be vulnerable and share some deep feelings with a group of complete strangers, live on only $1000 a month, face a period of deep depression and hopelessness, be a better blogger and writer, practice tenacity, support someone wholeheartedly in their greatest time of need, give even when you have nothing to give (literally nothing – very little money), and the most important things – to be grateful no matter what and that miracles come in all shapes and sizes. Sometimes, the smallest ones are the best ones.
The negative emphasis society places on turning 40 and the stigmas surrounding it are, unbelievably, still around. In subtle ways, people hint that you’re getting old and make you feel as if you should be put out to pasture. I experienced this most in the job market. But, thankfully, the younger generation I work with at the coffee shop tell me I’m not old on a regular basis. I’ll take what I can get, because you know what? 40 IS NOT OLD. THERE IS NO “OVER THE HILL”. YOU’RE NOT PUTTING THIS WOMAN OUT TO PASTURE!!!
I’ve found so many women in their 40’s and 50’s (and beyond) inspiring age positivity. And you know what? I love it. Rock those greys. Love your changing body. And ignore the numbers. After all, it is just a number.
My 40’s have been filled with almost every emotion imaginable; from depression and hopelessness to finding courage and strength to start again. Here’s my list of some of the biggest lessons I’ve learned in my 40’s:
1. Raising your standards and embracing change lead to massive growth and spiritual healing.
The Universe works in beautiful and mysterious ways. Sometimes a message we receive in life shouldn’t be taken at face value; it should instead be taken as a message that we need to change and follow our intuition. When I lost my job, I did what most of us do; I went searching for a new one. But the funny thing? Every step of the way my path was blocked. Or my intuition gave me that feeling of dread and nervousness deep in my gut. You know the one: nervous jitters that usually mean you’re not going in the right direction.
So I was blocked at every turn, and was faced with people subtly hinting I was “too old,” “too experienced,” or “too expensive.” I often countered back that I was willing to start at the bottom or take a pay cut, but no one listened. Finally, I understood what the Universe was trying to tell me – yes, start over by all means BUT not doing what you were doing; please do what you’ve been called to do. Thanks.
Sincerely, The Universe. P.S. You know what you were called to do.
And so, I embraced change. Just as I did when I went through divorce. I chose to raise my standards and follow a different path.
2. You’re never too old to do something new or start again.
It’s hard to believe that we need to hear this regularly. And that society keeps trying to tell us that we somehow become useless after a certain age. When I first lost my job, I turned to Google for answers. I often asked Google, “how to start again at 40”, “what to do when you feel stuck,” “how to find your purpose in life,” “how to change careers at 40”. And you know what? None of it helped. Instead, it made me feel more lost.
Want to know what helped? Telling myself that this is my life and that I’m allowed to do whatever I want, whenever I want. You can change your life whenever you feel like it.
And the next best thing that helped? Reminding myself I’m not old, I am young and to take action and do something.
It’s true. You are never too old to do something new or start again.
3. Gratitude gets you through the tough times.
When I was in my darkest moments of despair, of feeling lost and unsure of what to do next, gratitude kept me going. When I felt like giving up and that I’d never find a job or figure out a career that I could pursue, being grateful for what most of us take for granted – having a roof over my head – got me through. It let me know that even though this felt like rock bottom, I had a lot in my life that many people don’t have.
I practice gratitude on the things most of us take for granted – healthy food to eat, a warm, comfortable bed to sleep in, a roof over my head, a fully functioning car to get me where I needed to go, and family and friends who understood and were supportive.
As hard as it is for me to say, it has taken me nearly 40 years to love every bit of myself. But you know what? I’m grateful I figured it out. A lot of people don’t, or they put others first all the time. They go through life having bad relationships, wondering why they hate their job, and never really loving themselves enough to change.
Sure, it took work, a lot of mental work, but I love myself a lot more than I used to.
And here’s the thing…
Self-love is something that needs to be practiced daily. Because we never really rid ourselves of the negativity monster that resides in part of our brain. Some days, that negative talk track is on repeat and hard to turn off. But day by day, the more you tell yourself you’re enough, that you’re worthy, and that you love yourself; you’ll stop focusing on what you thought were imperfections and embrace them for what they are – the things that make you unique, and well, YOU.
5. Appreciating the change that occurs in the silence.
How’s that for poetic? Kidding, of course. I’m a hopeless romantic who loves all the poetry. My 40’s have brought more stillness, simplicity and peace. It’s quite the opposite of my twenties and early thirties.
But the real trick?
Appreciating all the massive change that occurs in being silent and still; of blocking out everyone else’s noise. We can only create impactful change when we become still and are comfortable in that stillness and silence. We learn so much about ourselves when we listen and observe our body and mind. A perfect example? Yoga. Yoga is a relatively new practice that I’ve embraced in my 40’s, and it’s taught me to listen and interpret where there may be tension in my body or when I need to let go and relax.
So you see, embracing my 40’s is proving to be quite the adventure. Sure, there’s been tough times, but it’s no different than when I was younger. I feel as though I’m stepping into who I am instead of battling against it like when I was younger. I’m okay with it. I’m okay with 40. I’m loving it.
If you’re in your 40’s, what’s it been like for you? If you’re not 40 yet, what are you hoping it looks like for you?
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